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Here are some of the best and worst quotes the Clothesline Crew has ever read, heard, or made. Thanks to everyone for contributing, and please continue to send in your favorites to jim@wrestlingclothesline.com or WresClothesline@aol.com ! We will be adding to this new feature as new quotes arise!!
"Holy Balls!!" - Ole Anderson on several occasions at the Mid-Atlantic Legends Convention
"Wrestling is full of sociopaths and nitwits." - Bob Barnett
"I don't got no book! I don't got no DDV!" - Tony Atlas at the Mid-Atlantic Legends Con
"Well, do you have a camera or are you going to draw it?" - Chris Candido after a fan requested a picture
"And the crowd goes mild." - the Crew
"Who's the man behind the mask that's made for you and me? JIM N-E-I D-H-A-R-T. Jim Neidhart (he was who) Jim Neidhart (he was who)...." - the Crew to Jim Neidhart in Deer Park, NY
"Will the owner of the red Schwinn please report to the front desk?"- Murph after the introduction of new ECWA Announcer Chuck Ristano
"We like being the heels, so we ain't stopping shit." - Jeff of Mutt and Jeff
"We Are All Marks" - Jeff Amdur
"If you have the number 1984562..." - Gino Moore announcing
a 50/50 winner
"You have correctly guessed Gino's weight." - the Crew
"Wrestling is no place for people with long memories." - Lucifer, Knight of the Road
"I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike" - sung to Rik Ratchet who was trying to escape Doug Gilbert on one in Mount Holly, NJ
"Don't listen to those nitwits!" - Dennis Corralluzzo, referring to the Clothesline Crew
"For the love of God would you throw the fucking shirt already!!" - Murph snapping after watching Cheetah do his 20 minute entrance for the past 5 years
"I know I am keeping kids that come through that door off the streets, and they're not involved with drugs or gangs. I am doing good things for them." - Rolo the APW Carny, currently being sued for negligence and recklessness after the death of one of those "kids"
"There's a lot of wrestling going on - and none of it looks especially painful." - Kid USA's commentary during a CSWF match between Shawn Sheridan, Rob Eckos, Grim Reefer and Johnny Ova
"He was pulling my hair!"
"You don't have any hair to pull!"
"I did before he pulled it all out." - - E-WX wrestler The Divine
One (who has a shaved head) to the referee
"I can see the sailboat!" - Tommy Hunter
"What are we doing here, guys?"
"Walking?" - the Crew's response to security at Chiller
2003
"You're not on the list - Good-bye!" - a runt doing lousy "security" at the 2003 ECWA Super 8
"You've worked in Madison Square Garden, The Omni, The Sportatorium.
How does here in Yardville compare?" - the Crew to Jim Cornette
at an NWA NJ show.
"Well, Dennis buys me dinner here!" - Jim Cornette's
response
"Your name is RED! Why the fuck are you wearing an orange shirt??" - Ron to RED at an ECWA show (RED pointed to the R on the shirt in response)
"And defending the Internet title-"
"What?? Are you fucking kidding me?? An INTERNET title? You actually
have an Internet champion??? FEAR ME, I AM CHAMPION OF THE INTERNET. What
the fuck's his finisher- 'I'll hit you with my Google?' Are you serious??"
- the Crew's response (of many) to CSWF's announcement of their Internet
title
"That's OK, I already got your money." - CSWF booker Jackie Dreamer's response to criticism of him participating in the main event
"The lovely, the vivacious, the stunning- wouldn't you love to fuck her?- WOMAN!!" - ECW Ring Announcer Bob Artese
"Let's be sure to plug WrestlingClothesline dot Schwan" - Chris Candido on the USA Pro Hotline
"Jimmy Garvin gets the Bobby Fulton Award for today." - Michael K. Johnson after seeing the post-wrestling Bobby Fulton at the Legends Con
"Michael K. Johnson is an asshole and gets NO CHAIR!!" - Tony Lewis at the Legends Con after MKJ told him the autograph line cut off was 15 people ahead of him
"How did you Internet fuckheads like the bus ride up?" - Chris Benoit to the Bleacher Bums after the first r.s.p-w Con in 1995 (the bus broke down)
"We're Still Fuckheads!" - the Bleacher Bums to Benoit when he came out later for his match
"I'm Japanese, Goddammit!" - Satoshi Kojima to the referee at Ring of Honor's Final Battle 2003
"Weren't you the guy who wrestled as-"
"If you don't like it, leave!" - Donnie Bon Jovi answering
the Crew, who all promptly left the show
"That's not how Barry Horowitz would've done it!" - someone during a Chris Candido/Axl Rotten/Balls Mahoney match at USA Pro
"Nobody asked me!" - Chris Candido in the balcony after hearing he'd be facing the winner of a Rob Eckos/Damian Adams cage match at the next SSCW show
"After the roster cuts in March, you'll be right back here
in this shithole!"- John "Hat Guy" Bailey to Stevie Richards at
3PW
"Yes, but you never left." - Richards' response
"I have not seen wrestling on TV in more than two years. I just can’t watch it. To me it is like watching your beloved sister get raped." - Pro Wrestling IRON co-owner Frank Murdoch
"You're Missing A Good Match!" - chanted by the Crew to the bus tour group at the 2003 ECWA Super 8
"No More Bus Tours!" - chanted by the Crew, and half the crowd, soon after
"You are the greatest... and if anyone ever tries to tell you otherwise I'll fuck them up because you are the greatest!!" - Darian Caine
" I actually wrestled professionally for 3 years (1976-1977)" - Joe "Three Years" Panzarino
"What time is the party?"
"Yew're nit eenvited!" - Mr. Ooh La La responding to
the Crew on several occasions
"Happy people don't cheat!" - Tara Charisma
"He couldn't draw flies in a shit factory." - Ricky Morton on Kevin Nash
"If Rob Feinstein took as much heat for that 14 year old boy as I did for my canceled show in Rahway, he'd be in jail!" - Ricky O.
"He lost 100 pounds" - Brett to Mr. Ooh
La La regarding Nick's weight loss
"Looks like he found it" - Mr. Ooh La La's response
while pointing at Ron
"You are nothing more than a Tully Blanchard wannabe!" - Dusty Rhodes to Simon Diamond
"Quarryville is an enigma wrapped in a cloak of mystery" - Striker
"Didn't you see her making eyes at me? They were crossed, but she was still making them!" - Mr Ooh La La on Brandi Mankiewicz
"Vader says Hello!" - Frank to Julio Dinero
"Where's my bag?" - Firehawk
"She's in the car waiting for you" - Brett
"I would rather be naked and spread eagle on a stage than giving a lap dance and having some guys fingers going places" - April Hunter
"Meet us a little early at 3PW and we'll show you
how to do the Slyk Slam correctly" - April Hunter to Striker
"I'm changing the name of it from the Slyk Slam to the Everybody
Else Uses it Slam"- Slyk Wagner Brown
"Your winner and new Internet Champion (receiving the belt and a free month of AOL)" - Frank Andreottola
"I was just massaging his throat." - Elian Habanaro to a ref as he chokes his opponent
"What is there an all you can eat buffet here?" - Mr Ooh La La in response to some ringside fans
"I've gotta run, the wolfman's chasing me" - Jim Kettner
"I'm just taking a break" - Brett
"We're the ones getting the break, thank you!"
- Mr. Ooh La La
"Whatever happened to the tough chicks???? The women on TV today look like Stepford wrestlers..." - Amy Lee, interviewed on WrestlingClothesline.com
"Weekend at Bob's?" - Cherokee when trying to recall the movie Weekend at Bernie's.
"No signs of ring rust" - Mike Tenay after Lex Luger removed his robe for his first match back on TNA
"I can identify the ugly old guy, but who is the handsome white haired gentlemen?" - Les Thatcher after seeing a photo of himself and Brett
"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun." - President George Bush
"It's a school full of so-called at-risk children. It's how we, unfortunately, label certain children. It means basically they can't learn. ... It's one of the best schools in Houston." - President George Bush
"If there's anything I hate more in professional wrestling, it's when a wrestler gets on the mic and yaps and yaps and yaps and yaps and yaps and yaps and yaps and yaps and..." - Sterling Rick Silver
"...more and more of our imports are coming from overseas." - President George Bush
"We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans." - President George Bush
"Leave him alone.. he's retiring" - Luscious Lily
in response to a ring announcers anger at a fan.
"If he makes it out of here alive" - April Hunter
following up on Lily's comment.
"Yeah, come on guys! They're morons, sure, but they work hard at it!" - Eric Purdy
"And, FYI, she (Jasmin) was supposed to miss trying to trip meanie. So, she never messed up her spot." - "Kianna"
"Behind every beautiful woman is a beautiful behind" - Prof. Irwin Corey
"What do you think of the sphincter as a hole? I think it's not cracked up to what it used to be. We oughta wipe it clean". - Prof. Irwin Corey
"Hey, Bob, how old are you?" - Heckler to Cowboy
Bob Orton, in the ring for a six-man tag match.
"Too old to be doing this." - Orton's reply
"What the...?!? That worked at every other indy show I've been on this weekend!" - Matt Striker, after an opponent kicked out of his "lungblower" (tm Jim Brambilla) finisher.
"You have managed to present him in a light that makes the reader see him as a complex man as opposed to the preconception of him as a right wing stream of consciousness nut job. No small feat there and the interview as a whole is a testament to your skill as a journalist. People talk about Dave Meltzer and to a much lesser extent Wade Keller as top question men.They write FLUFF pieces. This was an interview. Congrats.You have now graduated into the pantheon of the most underrated national writers.Not a bad place to be." - Grange or WrestlingMark.com in regards to Brett's interview with The Warrior
"Here I am in the CSWA" - Lex Luger upon debuting in the CSWF
"Thanks a lot, Bodydonnas" - Jim Ross after a Simon Dean segment on Raw
"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption."
- Pres. George W. Bush
"I always jest to people, the Oval Office is the kind of place
where people stand outside, they're getting ready to come in and tell
me what for, and they walk in and get overwhelmed in the atmosphere, and
they say, man, you're looking pretty." - Pres. George W. Bush
"You've got to be able to speak clearly in order to make this
world a more peaceful place." - Pres. George W. Bush
"I would have to ask the questioner. I haven't had a chance to
ask the questioners the question they've been questioning." -
Pres. George W. Bush
"Over 50 percent of our energy comes from overseas. Fortunately,
a lot of it comes from Canada." - Pres. George W. Bush
"Ron, did you hear that Seka is going to be at the Adult Entertainment
Expo in Vegas?"- Brett
"Cool, is Afa going to be there too?" - Ron's reply
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' - Pres. George W. Bush
"I always thought karma was bologna but not anymore"
- Apu
"Mmmmmmm, caramel bologna" - Homer Simpson
"By the way, I hate you all and I hope you all die." - Striker at CSWF's Halloween Horror
"I ain't a forty-hour motherfucker, man." - New Jack
in Beyond the Mat
"I'm probably the best World Champion ever just based on wrestling
technique alone!" - Kevin Nash at TNA "Press Conference"
"Come on, Brett's aging as we speak!" - Priscilla Barnes (Terri from Three's Company)
"You're #2!" - The Crew to Cindy Rogers (a reference
to her ranking in the 2004 Top 50 Women of Indy Wrestling)
"And working my way up, baby!!" - Cindy Roger's response
"Did he say 'There's Gepetto?'" - Ron after hearing someone say "There's the pedo".
"Where did everybody Go? OK, we're going to start anyway." - Tiffani Monroe ring announcing after intermission at the JWA show.
"Seventeen promotions running tonight and no one wanted Corvis?" - A wrestling fan after seeing Corvis vs Alexa Thatcher at the JWA supposedly all girls show.
"It was awesome getting to finally meet you! That was the highlight of my night! HaHa! jk" - Kayla Sparks
"AWA Presents Crime Scene in Union City, NJ, while Carmine and the SSCW was wondering what happened to that Big Strom in Bootoon and the fire in Clifton last year, anyway here are the results of list night card, schedule bell time 8pm started 15 minutes late." - Joseph Velez Jr.
"And yet I’ve seen a cartwheel by Kara, which is the best move she can perform…OH WELL!!!" - Joseph Velez Jr.
"Just to give you a description of Lady Lee she looked the girl in the bath tub in movie “The Shining”" - Joseph Velez Jr.
"We didn't beat no bitches" - James Blau
" If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you." - Arthur McAuliff
"It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal yourneighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it." - Unknown
"Where are you from?" - worker at Cheerleaders
"New York" - Brett
" Me too!" - worker at Cheerleaders
"Really? Where?" - Brett
"Hungary" - worker at Cheerleaders
Exchange between the audience and Sandman at a show:
"Please Drive Home! Please Drive Home!" - Crowd
"That's how I got my fourth DUI!" - Sandman
"YOU'RE WEARING A SHIRT! I'M SELLING A SHIRT! COME ON! 15 BUCKS! YA CAN'T GO WRONG!" -- Julio Dinero trying to sell his merchandise during intermission.
"Nooooo! Keep it on!" -- a fan yelling at the Hungarian Barbarian who choked Mega with his belt.
"Finish him off!" -- one of America's Most Wanted.
"THIS ISN'T THAT EASY!" -- Julio Dinero whose head
was being smashed into a turnbuckle.
Commissioner Outlaw and Melissa Stripes got into the ring and Outlaw spoke of how great of a wrestler Melissa stripes was and how she would be in the WWE one day????? (I know I had a few beers, but even that can’t change the truth about her talent) - Joseph Velez in his recap of an ECPW show.
It was an interesting weekend in Chicago. - Marty
I guess thats my cue to ask why? - Brett
"Thank God for you, Brett, breaking up the monotany of this weekend" - John
"I'm sold on the ribs" - Joe, after spending 30 minutes
looking at the menu at the sports bar.
"May I take your order?" - Waitress at the sports
bar
"Yes, I'll have the jerk chicken sandwich" - Joe
"I feel like a stripper" - Ashley Laurnece of Hellraiser
fame, collecting money for her autograph
"I'd pay to see that!" - Brett
"It would cost a lot more than $20" - Ashley's response
"How much you want?" - Brett reaching for his wallet
"How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?... NONE OF YOUR F'N BUSINESS!!!" - Camden Toy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame
" I thought Harry Carey was dead!" - Cindy Rogers reaction to Kenny Casanova
"You know what else you should bring with you? PEOPLE!" - Kenny Casanova on what we need to do for the next show.
"I love you guys!!" - Rosario Dawson to us!
"When God said let there be light, Mae Young pulled the switch"
- Jerry Lawler
"I'm gonna make like a nail and press on" - The Great American Trailer Park Musical
"By the way... the towel dispenser is automatic." - Ron after his trip to the Chili's bathroom.
"I'm walking home!" - Bobby Hill
"Bobby, you got tired on the ride over here" -
Hank Hill
"Yeah, why don't they call it 96"? - Kendra
"Cuz that would be two people with their backs to each other"
- Hugh Hefner
"What happened to three, Ref?" - Heckler
"It comes after 'two.' I haven't gotten there yet!" -
Ref Fred Richards
"This is why there's a one-hour time limit!" - Heckler (during a stall-tactic-filled Josh Daniels/Chris Hamrick match)
"God forbid you walk out of here tonight and get hit by a bus"
- HBK Shawn Michaels
"The busses stopped running at 9." - Ron
"90% of the game is half mental" - Yogi Berra
"I want to thank everyone for making this day necessary." - Yogi Berra
"In the event that you are not satisfied with our service, there are 6 exits on this plane" - Our Flight Attendant to Vegas
"In the event of a water landing, that's right, a water landing between New York and Nevada, your seat can be used as a flotation device." - Our Flight Attendant to Vegas
"Sorry I didn't see you today but I was tired... so I watched football!" - Lauren Phoenix
" How do you know me?" - Brea Bennett
"Juli, these are my boys Brett and Frank. They like to pick on
me. They want to leave me for an 18 year old blonde" - Cherokee
"That's why I'm talking to Juli Ashton!" - Brett
"Yeah, 18 times 3" - Juli Ashton
"Now, bend slightly at the waist" - Cherokee to Brett
"Due to circumstances beyond our control, April Hunter will not be here tonight." - Billy Firehawk, conveniently ignoring the fact that April was sitting in the bleachers, in plain view of everybody.
"I'm gonna hit him with my purse!" - Ruth Buzzi after Joe's failed attempts to take a picture.
"Did you see Brandy? She's working tonight." - Darian
Caine
"Yes" - Brett
"Who's that 6' tall girl?" - Brett
"That's Brandy you idiot!" - Darian Caine
"Isn't this where Frank fell?" - Joe
"Honey, no matter how many times you show your tits, you're still ugly." - Francine at WET's Ass Break Academy
"I'd rather masturbate with a cactus then do anything with any one of you!" - Francine at WET's Ass Break Academy
"I remember when I worked in this building, I accomplished so much. Now I'm lowered to watching skanks in creamed cord." - Francine at WET's Ass Break Academy
"His emotions were obvious anytime he was called upon to talk about Petty at events in recent years, including the June 10, 2005 Hardcore Homecoming on June 10, 2005. " - Bob Magee in regards to Johnny Grunge
"There's the heel entrance, there's the faces entrance. Where's the entrance for crooked promoters?" - Dennis Corraluzo at an ECWA show
"She's not 49, she only knows how to do 69" - Amy Lee in regards to someone I will not name here.
"Dark meat? Man it's like eating grizzle!" - Amy Lee
"Lick my left ovary and make the right one jealous" - Amy Lee
"What? Spiderman's dead?" - Amy Lee
"Yeah, Sheldon can't hang out with us wrestling fans extraordinaire because he's folding t shirts" - Anonymous
"Do I look like a F'n prom queen tonight?" - Amy
Lee
"Is Paris within walking distance from France?" - Lauren Tomasson
"I perfectly make sense in my own head." - Lauren Tomasson
"What a great movie!" - Brett in regards to Dead
and Breakfast
"I'm glad somebody thought so." - Jeremy Sisto, star
of Dead and Breakfast
"Due to the amount of time Ace and Simon have taken, Low Ki you are now limited to only three sentences. Donovan you are down to one. Petey, all you can do is wave." - Christopher Daniels at the 10th ECWA Super 8 Luncheon.
"What a great sport. Drive really fast, then stop." - Ace Darling on drag racing.
"Is the X in Xavier silent?" - Brett
"The only thing silent in Xavier is his career." - Nick
Yannucci
"Those wings look good, how are they?" - Ace Darling
to Nick
"Good" - Nick
"How are those wings?" - Ace Darling to Nick
"Pretty good." - Nick
"So, how do those wings taste?" - Ace Darling
to Nick
"Good" - Nick
"Your friend can't take a hint, can he?" - Ace
Darling to Brett
"If people didn't jack off, I wouldn't have a car."
- Ashley Blue
"Love is always lovely in the end." - Ukelele Lil
"Thank you, and welcome to the end of my career." - Rich Vos
"I'd like to say you're a great crowd but it's more like a group. Make that a gathering." - Rich Vos
"Breathe from your Hoo Hoo!" - Kristen Chenoweth
"You're going to a hotel without a window" - Dog
Chapman
"I think that's a room without a view" - Beth
Chapman
"I wasn't 'sentenced' to take the classes, I was 'ordered' to take them." - Slyck Wagner Brown
"Your winner, and NEW ECW Heavyweight Champion... The Big Show!" - The WWEcW Ring Announcer
"ECW is dead and the only thing that is left is a proper burial!" - Rhino
"I once saw Sammartino and Putski do this." - Bradshaw while doing commentary on the Diva Search Musical Chairs competition.
"One of us will gig and not from the pants." - Amy Lee in reference to her ucpoming First Blood match with Mickie Knuckles.
"So, when are you getting a boob job?" - Sensational Sherri to Kathy Fitz
"Who does your laundry?" - Lar Park Lincoln to Nick
" You're the only reason I came to this convention!" - Brett
to Adrienne King
"No! You're the only reason I came to theis convention!!" -
Adrienne King
"Last time you were in the area it was the one weekend I was
in Vegas." - Brett to Adrienne King
"Next time I'll check your schedule." - Adrienne
King
"He's 21 and sad thing is, I'm just an older version of him."
- Jane in reference to Nick
"That's ok, I'm a virgin too." - Nick's drunken
response
"Mr. Calfa, can I get a picture with you?" - Brett
to Don Calfa
"Sure, what's you're name?" - Don Calfa
"Brett" - Brett
"Hi. Don Calfa, Return of the Living Dead." -
Don Calfa
"This is my travel agent" - Annoying OompLoompa shaped
girl at convention to anyone that would listen
"It sure isn't her personal trainer." - Frank
"You are soooo cute." - Shawnee Smith to Brett
"The politically correct word for "midget" is "little person" which I think is so funny because it's the only politically correct word that is actually more offensive. They would much rather prefer (like talking to a baby) "yes you are!" - Sarah Silverman
"Kids need motivation to win. I tell my neice every time she loses at playing tag, an angel gets AIDS. And you know what? She wins." - Sarah Silverman
"My grandmother smells. Every day it seems to be getting worse and worse. But, she's dead." - Sarah Silverman
"I was born in New Hampshire. I only lived there until I was 18 so I don't really remember." - Sarah Silverman
"I love strippers. I'm actually in stand-up so that I can be a stripper. I wanted to be one ever since I was molested." - Sarah Silverman
"Does Constantine start today?" - Cute girl
working at theatre in reference to some American Idol kid starting in
Wedding Singer.
"He was supposed to have started yesterday."
- Brett
"That's just unfortunate." - Cute girl
"Well it is an option " - Brams
"How the hell is that an option if 2 shows within 20 mins of me
arent?" - Brett
"Those are options you just don't choose to exercise them."
- Brams
"If 1/2 the workers on the shows don't choose to exercise.. why
should I choose to watch them?" - Brett
"Remember, the show is 90 minutes long and there is no intermission
so has everybody used the bathroom?" - Usher at the Grinch
Musical to our section of mostly youngsters.
"Are you two gentlemen good?" - Same usher to Frank and
I
"WE DON'T LIKE YOU!" - Crowd chant
"And I'm down with that! I'M THE HEEL!" - Joe
So Delicious
"I don't appreciate you trying to steal my look!"
- Amber O'Neal to Serena Deeb
"You have to have a look before someone can steal it."
- Fan
"The word is Cow" - Moderator to audience participant
in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.
"Could I have the definition?" - Audience participant
"It's a cow!" - Moderator
"Could you use it in a sentence?" - Audience participant
"Yes... SPELL COW!!!" - Moderator
"Brett, can you hold on one sec., Lil Brian is trying to jump
of the couch through the glass coffee table." - Brian Pillman
during a phone conversation
"Uh, sure." - Brett, not knowing how the hell
to respond.
"Sumie doesn't know who I am" - Brett
"No, she knows you as Blett" - Wrestling Wally
"May your gefilte fish always be fresh for hanukkah" - Amy Lee
"He hard like Algebra" - Cherokee
" I'm gonna donate this Batista action figure. I've been carrying
him for years." - Dani D'Adamo
"So has everyone in WWE!" - Robert Payes
"Wrestling sucks." - Chris OtL
(balloon pops in the distance) "I'm outta here. Once there's
gunfire, I know it's time to get the hell out." - Brett
"I think it was just a balloon." - Alexandra Silk
"It's nice to see someone as tall as I am" - Faith
Leon
"Can my short friend get a picture with you too?"
- Brett
"He's not short, he's just vertically challenged. Then again,
to us, everyone is vertically challenged." - Faith Leon
"The stuff (wrestling) you see on tv is satchel ass!" - Daizee Haze
"Tag in Payes! Tag in Payes!" - The Crew chants to Lacey during her match with April Hunter
"You Are The Crowd" - April Hunter to us at the IG show.
"We are the Crowd, We are the Children, We are the ones who make a brighter day..."- Us after April's comment.
"On the first IG DVD the first match was the Moonshiners vs him
and Erik Andretti" - Brett (in front of and referring to Erik
Andretti) telling Dan the Mark about the match.
"Uh, I am Erik Andretti." - Erik Andretti
"This is my first time seeing Kylie wrestle in person."
- Brett
"I'm sorry" - Kylie
"Average At Best, Nikki Roxx." - Dan the Mark's reply to Nikki Roxx now wanting to be called "The Ridiculously Awesme Diva, Nikki Roxx."
"Somebody once said 'Hulkamania will never die". Who was
that?"- Vince McMahon to Hulk Hogan
"Somebody who apparantly just got hit in the head with a steel
chair." - Hulk Hogan
"Hi! I remember you!"- Shawnee Smith to Brett (in shock)
"I'm sorry if you interrupted me the wrong way." - Joe trying to say interpret
"Want to cut a promo?" - Eric Simms
"Huh?" - Brett
"Want to cut a promo like "I'm Brett from WrestlingClothesline.com
and I love ESS Promotions" - Eric Simms
"Uh, but I don't love you so why would I want to?" -
Brett
"Is that the best camera you could find?" - Jackie
the Jokeman Martling
"For you, yes." - Brett
"You need to get work in this area more often." - Brett
"I'm working in Baltimore, or is it Maryland?"
- Traci Brooks
"Baltimore is in Maryland" - The Crew
"Hey! I'm from Canada, give me a break!" - Traci
" I don't cheat, I'm from New Jersey for Christ's sake". - Chris Candido
"Hello, welcome to Mars 2112! Is it still raining outside?"
- Waiter at Manhattan's Mars 2112 Restaurant
"I don't know, I'm on Mars!" - Brett
"I guess all the hot girls are working the clubs tonight".
- Brett to Scott Hudson in regards to the "refs" working
the WEW show
"Must be because they're certainly not here!" - Scott
Hudson
"YOU HAD A VERY GOOD MATCH TONIGHT!" - Paul screaming
at Sumie Sakai
"Paul, she's Japanese, not deaf." - Brett
"Oh." "THANK YOU FOR COMING!" - Paul
still screaming at Sumie
"Do you guys miss Becky (Hammon)?" - Erin Buescher
to a small group of Liberty fans.
"Do we miss Becky? Two words - Jessica Davenport!"
- Frank's response
"To all the children out there: If you want to play, you'll have to pay. So don't blame mommy for buying you the 128 Crayolas" - Leaping Lanny Poffo's final words on Hannity and Colmes.
"don't insult me and try and dig at my credibilty for the love of wrestling and compare me to the keniving media" - Raj the Spamming Moron
"Her heaving, well impanted breasts cayght my eye immediately." - Bret Michaels
"I know under those giant double d's there is a heart of gold...somewhere." - Bret Michaels
“We drived here” - Two Fans at FanFest
“Photos are $1 each or 25 for $25” - Vendor at FanFest
“Stan Lane wanted to open up a half way house for girls that
wouldn’t go all the way.” - Jim Cornette.
"That’s the kind of meal that makes you want to go home and
take a bath” – Scooter Lesley
"The 4 Horsemen were the best gimmick ever" - A drunk
Double K to Ole Anderson
"The 4 Horsemen SUCKED. They were the WORST! You OBVIOUSLY
never saw me and Gene wrestle, DID YOU!?" - Ole Anderson
""I may not be a knockout but I'm a standing 8 count and that's all that matters." - Daffney to Traci Brooks
"It's increasingly obvious with this match that no matter the booking or promotion, that Necrobutcher won't be treated as a heel in Philadelphia even if he barbecues an infant mid-ring. " - Bob Magee of PWBTS.com
"Bye Steph, see you at home.... errr, uh, I mean... your brother's a gnome." - Triple H
"Hurry back to your seat, I hear the next guy is pretty good." - Ozzy Osbourne
"Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
"Wrestling really toughens me up physically and emotionally.
It gets my adrenaline pumping. I can't think of anything else that does
that to me. Then it gives me the body of an 80 year old the next morning."
- Miss Deville
"At first, Rudy Guliani was the front runner for Republican Candidate...
THEN people started voting." - Jon Stewart
"At one point I created the word 'K-Booom' and next to it I put an *. At the bottom of the page I wrote '*As everyone knows, the third O is silent." - Stan Lee
"Ding dong the witch is not dead. And here she comes now, with her flying evil monkeys." - Jerry Lawler in reference to Beth Phoenix
"Postman, outside the ring." - Mike Adamle's play by play of Jimmy Wang Yang clotheslining Morrison over the top rope and to the floor.
"C.M. Punk is kind of a loner. He hangs out by himself. Hence, the word loner." - Tazz
"Why does the tassle on my cap say '80?' - Ray Wright
"It's '08 not '80, turn it around." - Joe Worth
"This isn't MySpace. Keep your comments to yourself!"
-- Rick Cataldo to a heckler (while working, ironically enough,
for a company [AWESOME] that features a MySpace Champion belt...)
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity".
- George Carlin
"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it." - George Carlin
"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." - George Carlin
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor". -
George Carlin
"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream
of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to
work and don't have time for all that." - George Carlin
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time,
somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people
over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
- George Carlin
"“No comment” is a comment." - Geroge Carlin
"Team Canada won the Silver." - Gorilla Monsoon
"Yeah, they were so happy they had it bronzed." - Bobby
Heenan
"Don't look at me, look at the camera you idiot!"- Brett to Virgil during Photo Ops at FanFest.
"UNJUSTLY!" - Mark, from Canada, in response to a chant of "You Got Fired" directed at the Naturals.
“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.” – George Burns
“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” – George Burns
“There’s nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.” – George Burns
"What's your name? Brian?" - Stormy Daniels
"No, it's Brett" - Me
"IT WILL BE BRIAN IF I TELL YOU IT'S BRIAN!" - Stormy
"What's that?" - Sasha Grey asking about my "Jackie's
Joke Hunt" shirt.
"It's Jackie the Joke Man, he uesd to be on Howard Stern."
- Me
"Never heard of him." - Sasha
"That's because you are too damn young." - Me
"I've been listening to Howard since I was six." - Sasha
"Then how the hell do you not know Jackie? He was the head writer
there forever. Then they had a falling out, he left, and Howard has sucked
ever since!" - Me
"I don't know him. What did he look like?" - Sasha
"Short, fat, balding, ponytail. Hell, he had a puppet that looked
like him!" - Me
"Nope. Don't know him." - Sasha
"He was the guy that always laughed at his own jokes."
- Frank
"OH! Jackie!!!" - Sasha
"Good luck tomorrow" - Me to Kim Zimmer, long time
Jets season ticket holder and star of Guiding Light
"Why, who do you like?" - Kim Zimmer
"I'm a Favre fan so I have to like the Jets."
- Me
"Yeah. That damn gimp. He never had a problem when he played
in Green Bay. Did he? NO! But he comes here and he's gimping all over
the place. Thanks Brett!" - Kim (shouting)
"Drive Please Safely" - Afa
"I've only got one thing to say." - Dan The Mark
"What? You're gay?" - Lil Joey
"I thought I was a superhero. Superman, Waterman, Batman, I was ready to hang with all of them." - Ric Flair
"What's your name, buddy?" - Callum Blue
"Brett" - Me
"Is that with two B's?" - Callum Blue
"You Sir, are a moron!" - Lawyer
"A Mormon?! But I'm from Earth!" - Homer Simpson
"Taylor Wilde is the kind of girl you bring home to meet the
parents... then you sneak out to be with Daffney" - Don West
"Where does that leave Awesome Kong?" - Mike Tenay
"Hopefully, at your house!" - Don West
"You guys got plays!?" - Becky Hammon to the WNBA East All Star Team
"If you don't win your match tonight, you are banned from SummerFest!!"
- Jeremy Piven to The Miz
"So you're saying, if he doesn't beat me tonight, he's banned
from SummerSlam!?" - John Cena
"Yes, SummerSlam and SummerFest, whatever that is!" -
Jeremy Piven
"Hi-Read your blog---very nice. Was making me hungry. I noticed
you never said anything like "After tossing and turning, I got up
and went for a
half hour walk and did some crunches." Noooooooooooooope. But a sonic
chocolate shake got a mention .;)" - April Hunter in response
to my Fanfest Recap
"As we said in St. Olaf, Christmas without fruit cake is like St Sigmund's Day without the headless boy." - Rose on The Golden Girls
"Phil Esposito and bloomers in the same night? What's next? Civil War references??" - Mike Tenay responding to some of Taz's color commentary
"You may have won tonight but I guarantee that on Sunday the X Division title is going back to Brooklyn" - Homicide to Red (evidentially forgetting that Red also hails from Brooklyn).
"What animal is featured on the Great Seal of the United States
of America?" - First grade question on Are You Smarter Than
a 5th Grader
"A great seal." - Michelle McCool
"That's real wet mud." - Taz in reference to the
mud in a Knockouts mud wrestling match.
"As opposed to what? Unwet mud?" - Mike Tenay
"Brett, I know you hate me but buy a dvd." - Allison
Danger
"Hate is such a strong word. Greatly dislike is more like
it." - Brett
"Good news and bad news for TNA fans-> Bad: the six sided ring isn't coming back! Good: next month we'll implement two three sided rings!" - Daniels on Twitter
"I made it here in record time today, in my Toyota." - Kevin Nealon
"What do you feel led to the demise of Smoky Mountain Wrestling?
- Fan
"Brian (Lee) and I left!" - Chris Candido
"I have a great storyline for Tommy Dreamer" - Vince
McMahon
"Vince, you let Tommy go" - WWE Employee
"I did?" - Vince McMahon
"Yes. Remember, we gave him a huge tv sendoff and everything"
- WWE Employee
"It's like the old saying goes, it's like killing two stones with one bird." - Dominic Denucci
"That's not Memorex, that's the real thing!" - Mike
Tenay commenting on Ric Flair
"1980 called. It wants it's commercial back." - Taz
